I knew, knew, knew they were bad. I resisted them from age 16 (when my doc first offered them to me for depression) until age 32-ish. I was desperate – I couldn’t make myself function properly, I was raging-angry, depressed, horrible to my husband and daughters. A nightmare to live with. And I had tried for so long, and I had tried everything I knew. So I gave up and basically said “I know they’re bad, but I don’t care, I have to do something.”
Now days I just kick myself over that decision. Now I can see that having better understandings of depression and healing, and practising tools like Emotional Freedom Technique, and creating deeper levels of self-kindness, and acknowledging my deep grief – that was what I actually needed.
Antidepressant drugs put me in a worse place than I’d ever been, are robbing me of much in my life right now, and will take me years to get off. Learning that people who never take drugs always have the best long-term outcomes has galvanised me to become drug-free.
I will do it! I have an unshakeable belief in my ability to heal – from drugs, depression – everything. People are born with an innate strength, but we seem to lose sight of it. It’s a matter of re-finding it, plugging into it, and creating a life that centers on that strength.