What I Don’t Want to See About Me

I’ve got two layers of issues.  That I know of.

Stuff I can handle thinking about, and that I acknowledge needs work:  I give these things attention.  They’re the things I blog about, talk about etc.

Stuff I get glimpses of but can’t really handle:  These I quickly shove away again.  Could be I don’t know how to deal with them.  Could be the thought of them makes me want to vomit.  Could be I don’t want to see what I’m really like.

I like to think I can probably get ‘better enough’ without looking too closely at that second bunch, but I have a niggling suspicion some will eventually insist on an airing.

In April I wrote out a list of these B-bunch issues.  I did it fast, without stopping to think, and haven’t read back over it.  And, obviously, I’m not blogging it:-)

I wrote the list because I wonder if I’m sabotaging my healing by not squaring up to those issues.  The list is a tentative first step.  I hope a second step will reveal itself in time, and that I’ll be game enough to take it on when it does.  Though it’s now November and I’ve only made headway on one issue (see my post Through the Looking Glass) and that only because it got shoved in my face.

Today I’m wondering if I’m brave enough to have another peek at the list – although I prefer to know it’s safely in my diary, and do nothing about it.

Ostrich, head, sand.